Monday, October 19, 2009

most days go by

Do you ever start thinking back and all of a sudden forget where you are? This has been happening to me a lot lately. I will be doing something, such as sitting at my desk listening to music, which is pretty much all I do, and I will start going over memories in my head. I would say my mind wanders most often to when I was in the 8th grade. I don’t know why the 8th grade. I suppose because a lot happened that year. I did a lot. I had a girlfriend. I lost a girlfriend. I had a best friend. I made new friends. I saw a lot of movies. I listened to a lot of good bands. I played a lot of video games. I went a lot of places. I played a lot of sports. I did a lot with my family. I can go back on so many memories from this time period it is almost shocking. I can recount every time I went out to dinner with my family that year. I can remember what I wore to a lot of these dinners. I can remember what happened, the conversations. I remember one time, it was one of my sister’s freshmen year in college, and we went out for her birthday and that year she got a very nice expensive pair lf DC skate shoes. Another time we went out for my mom’s birthday and I wore this sweatshirt I had just bought at the goodwill and my jean jacket. I remember all the movies I went and saw with my girlfriend that year. I probably went and saw at least one movie a week with her. We probably spent hundreds of dollars of our parent’s money just in that year. We saw so many movies. It would be impractical to list all of them but just know there was a lot. Some of the prominent ones: Anacondas, White Noise, The Grudge, The Ring 2, Ray, Racing Stripes, Wicker Park. I went and saw Garden State with my best friend. I discovered several bands that fall that would be my favorites for years to come: Interpol, The Shins. I used to play Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 while I talked on the phone with my girlfriend. She didn’t like that. I used to rake the leaves while listening to Interpol’s “Antics”. That winter my friend and I went sledding and then proceeded to come back to my house and play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas while still in our long johns. That Christmas eve my friend called me and asked me how to beat the pilot mission in that GTA. My oldest sister burned me copies of Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Fever To Tell” and The Postal Service “Give Up.” How could I have known then that those would remain two of my favorite albums to this day? During the Christmas Eve party at my house that year I hid in my room with my friend and ate puppy chow while we played Prince of Persia 2. It is weird how much I remember. Some things I don’t even want to remember. I didn’t know who I was yet I loved my life. Things seemed to be so simple, maybe because I was younger. When there is more to look back on there is more to think about, more to look forward to, but in a bad way. Just too much to think about. When I think about these things and I get so intimate with these memories I seem to go into this black out like state. Then all of a sudden I remember where I am and I can’t believe how old I am. That I’m alone. In this room that doesn’t feel right. I think about how I want to be 14 again, but then I think about all the limitations on a 14 year old. Maybe that’s why that is such a happy age, there’s not a lot to worry about at all. I seem to be in this weird pattern of doing what I’m supposed to, such as homework and class, and then just clocking out. I listen to music, I watch movies and I sleep. Anything that doesn’t take a lot of thinking. Then while I’m doing these things I think back. I think back to watching The O.C. while talking to my girlfriend on the phone. I think back to watching Napoleon Dynamite in my basement on New Year’s Eve and being so disappointed. I think back to long bus ride to Washington D.C. Nothing is what it used to be and nothing will ever be the same.

I guess this could be called nostalgia.

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